Dear SHELBY,
Your fast-paced mind may be seen as erratic and perhaps unreliable by others today, SHELBY. Feel free to take things slowly. Make a list and methodically check things off instead of approaching things from a hundred different angles. This is a good day to simply get things done, so put your nose to the grindstone and make it happen. When it comes to issues regarding love and romance, you might want to consider a more reserved approach.
UGHHH!!! I am mad as hell today!! my damn car got broken into last night....this lil fycker got my stereo..UGHH..I cant even blog right now..Ill be back!
sheldawg at 9/30/2003 05:24:00 AM
Monday, September 29, 2003
I had a long talk with my mom yesterday about returningback to Ithaca. I also called Shelly to get her feelings on it. There are lots of Pro's and Con's about the situation. I guess like with any major decision. I miss my family and friends. I think being back home surrounded by people who sincerely and genuinely care about Sierra and I would be wonderful!! I lost that feeling of family when I lost Quis. Him and his family have been my family for the last 5 years. NOt saying that his mother and I were really close. But I still felt welcomed there whenever and especially on the holidays. I have a huge family back home and I am very much used to being around them. ALL of my dad's cousins grew up in that area so all their children have grown up there. I am really the only one that is gone and doesnt return frequently.
There isn't much as far as jobs though. Somewhat like Athens the main source of income is thru the local universities. SO that is one thing. I have worked at Cornell before and I'm sure I would be able to be employed there again if need be. Another thing that I can't stand is the weather! namely the SNOW! I was so happy when I moved to GA and no longer had to deal with shoveling and snowsuits!! if you never had to deal with snow you don't understand the process. In the morning you have to get up and start your car, brush all the snow off the car, and shovel all around your car so you can get out. Most of the time the snow plows will clear the streets so people can drive. But in the meantime they pile snow on top of cars that park along streets or block the hell out of your driveway *sigh*. And let your car not start one morning..just cuz its so damn cold!! UGHH!!! then you need LAYERS of clothing so everytime you walk in someones house or anywhere..they have the heat BLASTING so you need to remove 50 layers of clothes or else youwill sweat to death. And getting children ready in the winter sucks!! then everyone tracks snow and ice in the house..bleh!!
But, I grew up that way so I know I could get over it. I just feel the need to re-connect. I feel very lost right now. And very miserable. I don't think its entirely because of me and Quis either. I think I am just unhappy.
I know part of my problem is that I think too much. I watched Wanda Sykes comedy special last night. She made a reference to women and how we spend WAY to much time thinking. I don't know if this is true for any of you. But for me it is. She ahd me dyin when she said we can't even sleep at night because we can't stop thinking long enough!! that is so true with me. And it leads me to having all kinds of crazy dreams!!
(P.S. I just spoke to Quis and was VERY mean. I think he really got the clue that I am starting to be FED up finally)
Anyway, I am still trying to get this mood turned around. My siblings are always there to help!! I love them for that. I know theythink I don't listen, but I do. It's just not as easy as it sounds I guess. I have been and always will be very emotional. Whether its because I am a Gemini or just things in my life that have made me that way...
Dear SHELBY,
A journey of some kind may be just ahead for you, SHELBY, and you might not be too thrilled at the idea of going. Perhaps you're feeling a bit under the weather from too much indulgement! An important message could come to you via phone, fax, or email from far away, or someone could come by airplane for a visit. Relax and enjoy your day!
Dear SHELBY,
Today you should be feeling especially well and full of optimism. Affection for those around you is going to be strong, and don't be surprised if it pulls some new people into your aura. You should also be looking especially good, SHELBY, so you might notice that strangers stare at you on the street! As your taste is especially sharp, this is a great day to shop for new clothes. You should also plan an evening out with a lover.
BLEH!! That's all I have to say. I am in a horrible mood this morning! watch out! I had a long boring weekend (until last night at Laura's mexican fiesta..free food always cheers me up). But aside from all the enchilada's and chicken burritos these last 2-3 days have been broing as hell!
I have been plotting Quis' death since about 3am. If anyone has any idea please feel free to contact me. Really I should be plotting my own death for the fact that I even let myself continue to worry and think about him!! UGHH @ me!
My friend Mark and I were playing on the computer yesterday when his cell phone rang..it was Quis *sigh* calling from some hoes cell phone. Now granted..he didn't know Mark was sitting inmy room when he called him..but dammit...SO!!! stankin bastard! I could hear everything he was saying through the cell phone..it just aggravated the hell out of me!
It's only 8:19am and I am praying for this day to end as soon as possible so I can go back to bed and try again!!
sheldawg at 9/29/2003 05:19:00 AM
Saturday, September 27, 2003
Dear SHELBY,
There is a feeling of temptation in the air today, SHELBY, that is going to egg you on to participate in things that you know are bad for you. You have the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. The decision is yours. Whatever you end up deciding, just know that you are responsible for the consequences of your actions. It is not fair to blame anyone else for the position that you get yourself in.
OH HELL!! lemme be REALLY careful today! Let's think of what could happen. 1) My high school friend Perez had mentioned he may come visit today. 2) Another old friend Mark from back home may also show up this weekend. 3) I told MsThing and TheMan to come on down with her cuz Moreo (WHOO HOO) he is SOOO fine (sorry muffin). Hmm...we shall see...I'm sure none of the aforementioned folx will even show up!!
Anyhoo, it's been a very boring weekend so far. But I sure don't want no drama! I would much rather be bored!
sheldawg at 9/27/2003 12:16:00 PM
Friday, September 26, 2003
I dont know if my mom is teasing me or what..but she is sending me the wedding pictures one by one. LMAO!! here is one of The groom (Dom) with Perez and Sarah Jo!
sheldawg at 9/26/2003 12:40:00 PM
Dear SHELBY,
With luck and prosperity knocking on your door, as it is now, SHELBY, you may be turning a deaf ear to the slow, nurturing, grounding force that is asking you to put on the brakes in regards to a certain project or relationship. Don't brush aside this message from the cosmos that may seem rather annoying at first, but in actuality is quite beneficial to your goals. Keep yourself open to outside advice at this time.
I haven't been in much of a blogging mood lately. Not necessarily that things are going bad..I just haven't felt like talking about anything!
My girl Shelly called me last night and asked me to be in her wedding!! I guess her and Nycoma are getting married next August. I really hope it works out for them, nbut they don't have a good history and ALOT can happen in a year. Anyone that has kept up with my blog may remember Shelly. Shelly and I have been thru ALOT together. She is the one who stood by me when I was going through all the drama with Steve. And we stood by each other during the death of her daughters father. We have remained friends throughmany other trials and tribulations in both of our lives. And I am honored she asked me to share this day with her!!! Shelly has 5 kids...and they are ALL girls!! could you even imagine! She was telling me that Kassanadra (thats my babigurl) she is starting to go through the stages of becomming a woman!! OMG!! I don't think I'm ready for all that!! I can't wait to see the kids when I make my trip home for Christmas!
I have been pretty frustrated with my job lately. You know how it is when people get let go and then everyone else has to pick up the slack from the missing person. Well somehow I got stuck with some bullshyt task. Transcribing! I don't know how many of you have done this before but it SUCKS!!! I have to listen to this 60 minute tape of these people having a meeting and type out everything these mofo's say! First of all they are not speaking loud enough or clear enough. I can really only hear the person asking the questions and none of the responses. And they they are all talking over one andother. And then this old ass ladies with these deep southeren accents! WHAT?? UGHH! This is definatley something that our studnt workers should be doing, but NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
My supervisor has made this mother/daughter relationship with one of our students so basically she isnt ever made to do shit! she just hangs out in there with her and does homework and assists my supervisor with all her daily tasks. She is also supposed to be the one that covers the phones so we can all go to lunch. Well, that doesnt work out because her and my supervisor actually go to lunch together so I am stuck answering phones until THEY return!! BULLSHIT!!!
I am seriously considering moving to Atlanta or back home to NY. I have to really weigh my options and decide what would be better for Sierra and I. I really hate my hometown. But it would be so much easier being around my family and friends! I have no reason to still be in GA! its not like my life is all great and shit. I have nothing keeping me here. My only reason for being here this long is for Marquis..and obviously that's not a reason anymore.
I love my siblings and I would hate to leave them. But I am not happy here. Not right now. Maybe this will all pass!! I hope it does. I don't really have any friends here except my squad. And I never get to see them. *sigh* Anyway, I have alot of thinking to do. It's friday and the weekend is about here!!
Dear SHELBY,
There are expansive trends in your favor at this time, SHELBY, and you should do what you can to latch onto opportunities that speak to you in every sense of the word. Bring matters out into the open and make your wishes larger than life. You should note an extra certainty in your hopes and dreams that you should embrace. You are at a climactic point in your yearly cycle, so take advantage of this dynamic time. sheldawg at 9/25/2003 08:31:00 AM
Wednesday, September 24, 2003
Dear SHELBY,
The energy of the day is quite focused and extremely powerful. There is a delicate game of dominoes set up in your life right now, SHELBY, and you will find that if one falls, they are all likely to tumble, causing a huge chain reaction of chaos. Keep in mind, however, that as long as you maintain a somewhat neutral reaction to the situation, this chaos in front of you will barely be of issue.
Okay..now Im shook! anyone who knows me will tell you that I worry way too much. Now Im sitting here wondering what I done did to cause a damn tumble *sigh*. Lemme think about all the dirt I been doin...LMAO!
I am home from work today. My stomach is a mess! ughh! to me stomach things are the worst..next to headaches they can really suck too!
I got SlimJ to record the new Outkast for me..Hmmmm...I dunno yall...Dre and Big Boi done took a left turn off I-85 thats all I can say.
Dear SHELBY,
Intellectual and metaphysical ideas that fly in the face of all logic might come to your attention today, SHELBY, and your first instinct will be to write them off as total nonsense. Don't be so quick to dismiss them, however. They might make a difference to you later. Also, useful information could come your way, which you might think you'll never use. File it away anyway. The day may come when you're glad you did.
If you read my blog on a regular basis you will remember that recently my cousin got married. I wasn't able to attend the wedding and have been waiting for my mother to send me pictures of the event. Last night I received pictures from their honeymoon in Hawaii. Very nice pictures..but can I see the actual wedding photos now!!!
I haven't had too much to blog about lately. Things with Quis and I are still very confusing. Even though they should be as clear as day. He came over on Saturday so we could "talk" not much was accomplished of course. And then he came over again on Sunday night (NO we didn't have sex) we actually both fell the hell asleep.
Christina called me last night and said she may make the trip from Douglasville to Athens on Wednesday. Christina is such a sweetheart. I actually met her through Kim. She just moved here recently from Elmira and she is living in extreme Douglasville. Poor child! she is miserable!
My siblings have returned from their trip to the Big Easy!! They are too damn funny! I am anxious and skurred at the same time about my mystery souvenir. There is no telling what those heffas have done! I will be sure to let yall know as soon as I receive my gift!
sheldawg at 9/23/2003 06:02:00 AM
My weekend was okay. I am SOOO mad at my Bulldawgs for loosing to LSU this weekend. UGHHHHH!!! I went out to Insomnia on Thursday night!! I had a blast!! I haven't danced that much in a looong time!
Dear SHELBY,
Make sure that the action you take today is done in a very organized, well thought-out manner. Take the extra time to plan instead of just jumping right into the duties of the day. You will actually find that you are more productive if you sit back and think before taking action. When dealing with others, be patient. People may be reserved and slow, so give them the space they need to think things out for themselves.
Dear SHELBY,
Group activities could take you far afield from home, SHELBY, perhaps even into another state. Education may be involved in some way. You should have a great time, as it's a kind of an adventure, and some of your closest friends could be there. Spiritual or metaphysical concepts could be discussed at length during this time period, and you could make some new friends. You might even fall in love. Have fun! sheldawg at 9/18/2003 05:20:00 AM
Wednesday, September 17, 2003
I got this poem from a really cool website with tons of poems about love and relationships!!
Trapped by love
by Melissa vipond
What am I to do?
Where am I to go?
How can I get you out of my head?
When I love you so!
This pain I can take no longer
I pray every night that I was stronger
Every one keeps telling me ill get over you
You’re just my first love
How can it be true?
But what do they know?
They weren’t there
The times we held each other in the rain
They’re not the ones who cry every night
Feeling this heart aching pain!
I don’t know how
I don’t know why
Every time I think about you
I can’t help but cry
I wonder if in a few years
We bump into each other
Will I burst into tears?
I love you more than life
I used to dream one day id be your wife
I hope you’ll never forget me
I hope you will forgive me
You are my soul mate
I hope you realise that before its too late!
Dear SHELBY,
A very special person whom you may have previously considered only a friend could appear to be far more than that today, SHELBY. You might feel sudden and unexpected desire for this person, and might have to exert iron self-control to keep yourself from coming on too strong. You could go out for coffee with this person, however. A deep and lengthy conversation may be just what you need to learn where you want to take this.
Dear SHELBY,
Your may be running into serious conflicts, SHELBY, that strike deep within you emotionally. More than likely, your first reaction will be to turn to your brain to make sense of the issue, and try to figure out what to do next. Be careful of escaping so far into your mind that you neglect the very thing that needs the most consideration: your heart. Instead of trying to circumvent the issue, you are better off approaching it head-on. sheldawg at 9/16/2003 05:07:00 AM
Dear SHELBY,
This is just the sort of day, SHELBY, when you look around the house and think, "What a mess!" Even if you're normally immune to clutter, you might find it stifling today. Therefore you might be tempted to rush through the place like a house afire and get rid of everything in your path that seems superfluous. Be careful! You don't want to throw out something that you might need later. Go slow and be discriminating.
Okay thats a lame horoscope so let's just jump right into my weekend....To The window!!!
Friday was pretty uneventful. A bunch of plans that fell through. Saturday was game day. For anyone that reads my blog that isn't famililar with the South and their obsession with football...or Georgia in particular and their obsession with the BULLDAWGS> Let me tell you. Coming from an Ivy League twon in NY. I had NO idea what to expect when I came here. Where I'm from the only thing they cared about was their lame hockey team. UGHHH!! Ivy League schools are soooo damn boring!! Well here..they LOVE football. And they worship their DAWGS! Naturally we have a few rival school. One of them is South Carolina. So you can only imagine the massive amount of people they came to Athens for this game.
I try very hard to avoid coming anywhere near campus during the day. There is a sea of RV's and drunk students and alumni tailgating e'erywhere. As annoying as it is it's just as fun too!!
Donna started moving her stuff in on Saturday. I REALLY wanted to go out. We beat South Carolina 30-7 (WHOO HOO) and so there was tons of people downtown. I haven't gone out in a while..and definatley not since Quis and I broke up so I was determined to have some fun. Nicole's cousin Dominique called and asked if I wasnted to join her and her sister downtown at Insomnia. SO we went. We had a pretty good time. I tried really hard not to go to any of the places I knew Quis would be. He had called me when I first went downtown so he knew I was there. Im sure he was expecting me to hunt him down. I didn't. When we left the club there was a bunch of police and ambulances outside the bar he was at. SO I called his cell phone to see if everything was okay. He was fine and VERY curious about who I was with (hehe) I said "just some girls that you don't know" I could tell he was stressed. Im sure he didn't have much fun worrying that I was gonna show up where he was (hehehe) and then when I didn't he was stressing as to WHY? (heheh)
So Dominique and I went back to my house and called it a night. At 5:30 the next morning. I was awakened by a knock at my bedroom window *sigh* it was Quis. I was semi relived it was him and not some random person, however what part of the game is this??? I went to the front door and waited for him to come around the house. I explained to him that he took a big chance comingthere when he had no idea if I had company (which is what he was probably trying to see anyway)!! UGHH!! I also told him that I hoped he aint come for no booty because my monster was there!!! (hehe) of course at that point he couldn't just trun around so he had to suck it up!! LMAO!!! knowing damn well thats what he wanted!! too bad so sad! because has my monster not been there. I probably would have had company!
So he came in and we went to sleep. When we woke up I made him take all the dogs out and feed them. I figured it was the VERY least he could do. He played with SIerra for a little while and went home.
KrazyKell called and asked if Sierra and I wanted to go with her to a birthday party. I had to go to Target anyway so I said sure!! we had a nice time at the party. Well Sierra did. Then we went and walked around target eye-shopping for a bit!
When I got home DOnna was there moving the rest of her stuff in the apt. The rest of the night was just very chill. I watched some tv and went to sleep.
My monster should be on its way out today!! and I am SOO glad because I need some booty!
sheldawg at 9/15/2003 06:30:00 AM
Saturday, September 13, 2003
Dear SHELBY,
You may find that you have been more rambunctious lately, SHELBY, and that in general you have more physical energy to expend on just about any sort of activity you wish. Notice that today there is an even bigger burst of energy helping you to complete any task you set your mind to. The key for you now is to just make sure that you aren't bullying others into doing things that they aren't necessarily ready for at this time. sheldawg at 9/13/2003 06:48:00 PM
*WARNING*
To anyone in or around the Athens area. If the DAWGS win on Saturday there is gonna be HELLA partying goin on down herre!! All the way up from 316 straight to buckhead! from the WINDOW to the WALL!!
sheldawg at 9/12/2003 11:27:00 AM
This is one of those poems dedicated to your homies that I'm sure we have all received a million different versions of in our emails. Regardless it still speaks the truth!! So I'm posting this one to my squad.
Girlfriends bring casseroles and scrub your bathroom when you are sick.
Girlfriends keep your children and keep your secrets.
Girlfriends give advice when you ask for it. Sometimes you take it, sometimes you don't.
Girlfriends don't always tell you that you're right, but they're usually honest.
Girlfriends still love you, even when they don't agree with your choices.
Girlfriends might send you a birthday card, but they might not. It does not matter in the least.
Girlfriends laugh with you, and you don't need canned jokes to start the laughter.
Girlfriends pull you out of jams.
Girlfriends don't keep a calendar that lets them know who hosted the other last.
Girlfriends will give a party for your son or daughter when they get married or have a baby, in whichever order that comes!
Moreover, girlfriends are there for you, in an instant and truly, when the hard times come.
Girlfriends listen when you lose a job or a husband.
Girlfriends listen when your children break your heart.
Girlfriends listen when your parent's minds and bodies fail.
My girlfriends bless my life. Once we were young, with no idea of the incredible joys or the incredible sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other.
Dear SHELBY,
All your senses are aroused today, SHELBY. Tonight when you return home you are likely to surround yourself with warmth, scent, a fabulous meal and a beautiful bouquet of flowers. You feel content and blessed, and look at your partner with loving eyes. Why not put on some music, dress in your most opulent clothing and invite your mate to join you for a dance in the living room?
no comment....
Anyway, so I made the first steps in pimpin Marlon. I should be gettin some money to go shopping when I get off work today. And also I think Donna will be moving in soon. Hopefully I will start crawling out of this money hole soon!! YAY!
I spoke to my godsister, Sarah Jo, last night. She has got some new hottie model boyfriend (whoo hoo). Sarah is a dance choreographer. She is so totally cool. She even has a record. She is my Godsister and she is also Sierra's Godmother. We have known each other since birth. Our mothers went through 2 pregnancies together. She will be in Aiken, SC this weekend so we may try to catch up. If not I will see her at Christmas time back home and then head to her Apt. in NYC for New Years!!
Dear SHELBY,
Romance and sex are very much on your mind today, SHELBY. If you're presently involved, you'll probably not be able to get together with your loved one right now, but if you keep trying, you'll probably reach your friend. If you aren't involved, don't sit around feeling sorry for yourself. It won't do you any good. Concentrate on creative projects instead. And don't be surprised if your work reflects a little anger.
Okay..I think we all know why that horoscope is funny to me!!
Anyway, Today is September 11. Its the 2 year anniversary of 9/11. It doesn't seem like it has been 2 years already. We still haven't gotten anywhere in our "war on terrorism". I'm not much of a poloitical person. And I'm sure I don't understand all the little things involved with a war and stuff. But I do know that we have destroyed a bunch of shit in other countries. Lost a bunch of our own men and STILL not gotten the folx we are looking for. In fact, we can't find mofo's in our own woods and mountains. We out looking for fools hiding in the damn sand!
Also, today is my siblings birthday!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRL!!!
I have been thinking alot about my roomate situation. This girl, Donna, she is really nice, but she is in a bad relationship. I need help with my rent and at first this seemed like a great solution. But the more I think of it I'm not sure its the best one. Her and her man argue ALOT. He is also very jealous. This is something I can't deal with. Sierra hasn't been around alot of arguing since I have been with Marquis. I don't want her to have to deal with it from anyone else. Also, I have lots of guy friends that come by for different reasons. I don;'t need him taking that shit out on her. This is MY apartment. Im not gonna be changing my whole life around because this fool has issues. Not to mention I weill have to put the dogs in my room so she can have a room.
I feel really bad because I don't want to tell her she cant stay. But I HAVE to find a way to handle the situation with her man. He is an old friend of Quis. They don't talk much anymore because Quis hasn't liked the way his friend has changed. Quis does NOT beleive in hitting women. In fact he doesnt even argue. He has never so much as even called me a bitch. I have thought about having Quis talk to the guy and see if he can be more of an influence on his behavior around my place. Quis name is still on the lease so anything that goes on there will reflect on him as well. *sigh* dammit. If I thought I could handle this alone for a little longer. I have alot of thinking to do about this situation and not much time to do it. So we will come back to this one.
Other than that. Everything is cool. Homeboy FINALLY went home!!! I was sooo happy to have the house to myself I went to bed at 9:00pm!! This is what started mythinking about my roomate situation. I really enjoy having the place to myself. Its one thing to have Quis. But another thing to have a girl and her kid. And dammit I dont want to share a room with 3 dogs!! UGHH!!!
Oh and I spoke to Kim last night. They aren't coming!!! I'm not to surprised. Those bitches always do this shit! Kim is so worried about Brock being mad at her!! He is is PRISON ok!! who gives a shit. He WILL get over it because he has no choice. Whoe else will deal with him??? Who else will come visit every week and send packages of food and clothes???? That girl is simple as hell!
I spent 2 hours yesterday morning typing my blog post. I included everything that had happened to me in the 3 days prior to the post. AND THEN I DELETED IT ALL!!! I was SOO disgusted that I didn't make another attempt to post. SO now I will give you the summary of the weekend...(HOLD YOUR FIRE)
Okay KappaMike is a gay freak!!! I would give more details, but basically....the ONLY picture of a person he has in his room is an 8x10 of some dude he calls "his best friend" *sigh* not one picture of his child and not one picture of no hoe!! I dunno yall...pretty suspect to ME!! oh and did I mention the sorryfuck accused me of taking $20 from him!! *GASP* I have NEVER taken anything from anyone. So I am SO totally offended!! HMPF @ him!!
Marquis - *sigh* okay lets just make this quick and painless shall we?? (aim for the heart girls) YES he came over. Twice actually (he stayed friday night and saturday night) and yes we fucked. Four times actually. And yes I do realize what a dum move that was *sigh*. Okay now that we are all in agreement. Moving right along!!
Since I no longer will be spending an ounce of my time on KappaMike. Lets talk about Marlon. I met him on friday night before the big Mike incident. I should have continued to hang with him on Friday instead of wasting my time going across town to see the gayfreak!
So Marlon came over on Sunday (brought me some taco bell..YAY!) he is such a cutie!! but..the fact is...Im trying to get some money fromo his fine ass!! yep thats right! thats what it is about these days. I mean..I'm not ready for a man. And he definatley isn't one to be a man. So it will be what its about..and that's all good with me. I could really use some new clothes before my girls get here next week. Oh did I mention Kelly cancelled *sigh*. She has to move so I understand. I hope Kim and them don't back out on me (even though I am totally expecting that). I gave up a chance to go to NO with my siblings. Not that I have the money or a date, but dammit I haven't been able to enjoy my single life yet because of these financial restraints that I have!!
Hopefully my roomate situation will be solved soon and I will have a little extra money to go shopping and go out!! Donna should get her back on friday. If she does she will more than likely move in this weekend or next week sometime. Our rent for this month is paid, but she can give me money towrds the utilities (that way I can keep the loot Quis gives me and go get some new shoes!! YAY!).
Dear SHELBY,
Your friends seem to expect you to be in three or four places at once, SHELBY! It's not possible to attend as many social gatherings as are occurring right now. Pick and choose with care the events you will attend. At one of them, there is a good chance you will meet someone who could help you further your career. Steer clear of the group of gossipers that will only lower your morale! sheldawg at 9/09/2003 05:19:00 AM
Friday, September 05, 2003
Okay...I think MsThing started in TheManOnly weekend early!1 her ass is NOT online!! HMPF! sneaky heffa! I can't really be mad. I damn near called in today myself. I decided against it. I hope I can catch up with KappMike this weekend. His big, strong arms could do a body good right now!!
"move on Shelby...stop being so afraid"
Thats' one of the many things I keep telling myself. I turned 30 this year and I have been thinking about this like WHY did this happen to me THIS year. Instead I guess I gotta look at it like "what great timing". There are manypeople that don't really start living until they turn 30. Maybe this is MY year. Well..its more than halway over. But its still all good!
"starting today I will try to go everyday without crying" <-- that's my goal. I am tired of crying. I just want this pain to subside so crying isnt even an option.
Dear SHELBY,
Has a close female friend come to your house today, SHELBY? Have you and she had an absolutely wonderful visit? If so, your mate may be rather jealous. You may feel there's no reason for it, as your beloved hasn't expressed a desire to spend quality time alone with you. Nonetheless, your partner isn't acting rationally today. Reason won't cut any ice, nor will reassurances. Just apologize for causing any upset, then do something else. Your mate will cool off!
Well..I DONT HAVE A MATE!! but I do have to see Quis today to get the money for the bills. he called last night *sigh* he was vaguelyinterested in me or how I was feeling. He was more concerned about the bills and how much money he would need. I made a STUPID attempt to see him last night (Please don't shoot me girls) he was nice about it, but I knew he wasn't gonna come "I'll take a shower and if I don't come tonight Ill seee you tommorrow" yeah okay...basically you'll call me tommorrow. He said he will bring the money to me at work today and "maybe we can go to lunch or something" Don't do me any favors ok!! thanx for the 5 years HOLLA!!!
UGHHHH!!!! As soon as we hung up I took a tylenol PM and took my ass to sleep..finally!!
I don't want to give MsThing a big head or anything. But she was right. I need to just accept it and move on!!! its starting to hurt less. I think more Im mad at myself for letting this happen.
I didn't hear from KappaMike either. That fine bastard! Imma hunt his ass down today. I have a whole weekend to myself. It's a game weekend here in Athens. The Bulldawgs are playing Middle Tennnessee State (whoever the hell they are???) So its gonna be CRAZY around here. I don't have any intention of going downtown Athens tho. There is no way I can avoid Quis downtown since we always go to the same bars. There are only a few that play the music we wanna hear.
I really can't beleive that I am gonna see him today. I almost don't even want to now. What the fuck?? a business lunch? that's basically what it is!! Like I said before. Maybe this isnt as sudden to him as it is to me. I guess it was over for him a while ago. It's just still amazing to me how he is just like WHATTHEFUCKEVER!!!!
I can't figure out what it is that I miss. Do I miss HIM or just someone beingthere?? its so hard to know. I mean. Contrary to popular beleif. We didn't have a BAD realtionship. At least not when I compare it to the shit I have endured from othermen. Quis is just youngt and immature. But there were MANY wonderful things about him as well. We had LOTS of fun together. He was my best friend. We were TOTALLY inseperable for the first 2-3 years of our relationship. I'mnot saying he was the right guy for me. Maybe he wasn't. But you couldnt tell us SHIT when we first met.
He didn't have a car. But found a way EVERYDAY to make the 2 hour trip to see me. Even when he had to be back in Madison to work at 7am.!! not many men would do that!! and for him at such a young age to not only take on a pre-made family, but also a child with a disability. He totally changed his entire life for the sake of Sierra and I. He left the streetz alone. Stopped hanging with his friends. And started working his ass off. Nobody knows Quis like I do. granted he made amistake. And its not like I didn't see it coming. But we do love each other VERY much. No one really knows the depth of our relationship except hus. It's really easy for people to tell you to get over something when its not their situation. When they are not the ones totally heartbroken. Marquis is the first guy that I ever really felt love for. I didn't know that at the time when I was with those other people. But when you have gone thru the shit I have gone thru and a TRULY nice guy comes along. It makes the pain of the break up THAT much worse.
His family has been MY family, his friends have been my friends. My family LOVES him. My mother knows better than anyone the pain I have gone thru in my past. She has ALWAYS been right about everyguy. And she herself thinks the world of Quis. I don't appreciate my friends dogging him right now. Okay he cheated. I have skeletons too. We both arent exactly innocent here. But that doesnt make him a bad person at all!!!
Anyway, I am getting over this my own way on my own time. No one can do that for me because this is no ones thing but mine!!! I am trying. But there is no switch you just turn off and move on. My heart is broken and that takes TIME to heal. 1 week is NOT sufficient time. true it is getting easier. But there will be times of fall backs. His birthday is next month and I had BIG plans for him. Then there is Thanksgiving and Christmas. Holidays I have spent with him and his family the past few years. I think anyone can angree that holidays will be the hardest. Luckily I think my mother is trying to fly me home for at least one of the holidays. And hopefully bring my family here for the other! then there is the trip we are taking in March to Disney. Originally planned for me, quis and sierra. We were SO excited about doing Disney together. Him and I are SOOO silly!! I know alot of people don't know that about us. But we did spend enough time together.
My friends are supposed to come down this month on the 18th. I am SOOO excited. My girl Kelly, that lives in Orlando, is coming with her kids. We havent seen them in over 3 years. And kim, Danille, Ellie and Reba are coming from NY. LOOK OUT!!! I don't think Athens is ready for this at all!!!!!!
sheldawg at 9/04/2003 09:09:00 AM
Dear SHELBY,
You have lofty goals and more often than not achieve them, SHELBY. But sometimes you take on too much. Your energy becomes scattered and you scramble to fulfill all of your commitments. Your altruistic nature has you doing charitable work in addition to your paying work. It's a lot, even for you, to do in a day. You would be happier, and more rested, if you focused only on those projects near and dear to your heart. sheldawg at 9/04/2003 05:39:00 AM
Wednesday, September 03, 2003
Okay..so my weekend plans to go to ATL have been crushed!!! actually my sibling suedemuffins won't be returning until 9/9. Really she didn't actually know about my plans to come and crash at her crib (heheh) I was gonna tell her as soon as she got back...when I was on my way up 316.
It's all good I will something to keep myself busy. Sierra won't be home fri-Sun so I MUST get into something! I spoke with Kim last night and she claims her and the girls are making plans to come down from NY on her birthday weekend (Sept. 17). Those hoes better come too!! this is not a time to be getting me all excited about visitors and flake out! I really need them right now!!! Aside from Danille's whining we always have a really good time. Even Ellie may come this time and that girl is a TRIP! I'm hoping to convince one of them to move while they are here. Actually, Christina is moving down this way THIS very week. Only she will be living WAAAAY out in douglasville *sigh* that's like an hour and a half away. Still and all its someone from home. And since she doesn't know anyone I'm sure she won't mind making the trek to Athens to see a familiar face.
In other news...I was very surprised to receive a check in the mail from my Babbies Daddy!!! I have to say how impressed I am that he finally figured it out!! I mean I havent written him in almost 2 years!! In his defense I do have to mention that he does do as much for Sierra as he can from where he is. I mean I have MANY friends who have children with men that are freely walking the streets, but have NO time for their children and have never contributed so much as a dollar to their care!!! UGHHH!! this is so disturbing. granted maybe Sierra's dad doesnt have as many other things to spend his money on, but that is NO excuse. He is in prison. Yet still orders clothes for her out of the JcPenney catalog. He has even made her several things in wood shop with his own hands.
Okay..no time for any more of that foolishness today..on to bigger and better things...like KappaMike *smile*
KappaMike is a guy I was introduced to this weekend. He is the brother of a friend of Nicole. Before I go any further with this I want to be clear about the fact that I am NOT looking for anything more than friends right now. I spent so much time NOT listening to MsThing and them about making a life and friends for myself. Now that Quis is gone I realize how important that was for me to do. So KappaMike is my first new friend. And this fool is SOOOOO damn fine!!! he graduated from Florida State which of course is a rival school for my beloved BULLDAWGS! but we won't hold that against him! He came by last night. He is so sweet (or is that just some incredible game) either way I like it. I still feel a little uncomfortable with entertaining company in my home. And I'm sure I won't be having anyone stay the night anytime soon.
Okay...I gotta get to work. I just spoke to Quis onthe phone *sigh* dammit I love that man!! UGHHH!!! we have actually been getting along pretty good. It's hard as hell for me to be friendly with him. But he is still paying half the bills for right now. And also I am to old to be playingthos childish love/hate games. What is the point??? he ha been a HUGE part of my life and I don't see any need in being ugly!!! Anyway, gotta get busy so I stop thinking about him!!!
sheldawg at 9/03/2003 06:11:00 AM
Dear SHELBY,
Don't let your mind get caught up in things that are superficial and petty, SHELBY. Life is too short to dwell on matters that don't have any major bearing on reality. Plant your feet deep into the earth today in order to maintain a solid grounding in your beliefs. Your will may be tested in one way or another, so be prepared for this challenge. You can certainly meet it. sheldawg at 9/03/2003 05:03:00 AM
Tuesday, September 02, 2003
I forgot to mention that the GEORGIA BULLDOGS beat the hell outta clemson this weekend 30-0!! HOW BOUT THEM DAWGS!!
Okay this sounds alot easier than it is. I can't say that I didn't have some clues that our relationship was falling apart, but I guess I was in major denial that it would ever really happen. I mean..its US. Regardless of whatever little fussy arguements we have..we will be together. I guess I was wrong.
My goal for today is not to cry. I would like to say that is my goal for the week, but I think that would be pushing it. I haven't had a total "cry free" day yet.
Friday evening I spoke to Quis' friend Charlie on the phone. Charlie and I have a interesting relationship. We are friends...in a strange way. He was actually very comforting during our conversation. However he was honest (as Charlie ALWAYS is) and told me that he believed that it was really over with me and Quis. He also mentioned that on Saturday Quis would be moving into a new place!! I couldn't believe it. It seemed SO fast. I guess there was also a small part of me that just knew he would come back begging to get back together. *sigh* all I could think about was somehow trying to stop this move. I at least needed some type of closure or something. I mean we hadn't even spoken since all this happened. Right when I found out I kicked him out..that was it.
I asked Charlie to have Quis call me as soon as possible. He called when he arrived there fromwork about 11:30pm. I asked him if he would please come and talk to me. I felt I at least deserved an hour after 5 years. He said he had plans and he would be over tomorrow to talk to me. Of course TOMORROW was also when he was coming to get the rest of his things. I told him that I guess that would have to do even tho I felt I was being brushed off yet again.
Around 3:00am I was awakened by a knock at the door. I had fallen asleep on the couch or else I would never have heard it. He told me that if he was coming he would call first (hmmmm) Anyway, I was way to tired to talk at that point. We talked VERY breifly and then went to sleep. When we woke up in the morning everything felt very normal at first until I realized that nothing had changed and he was still planning on moving. Finally I said "okay I surrender". There is nothing more I can do. This is in his hands now. He made the choices..he will have to live with them. I mean. I can't honestly say that I don't still want him. It's way to early for that and I would be lying to myself. Marquis made a mistake..true enough, but he isn't a bad guy at all. That's why this is SOOO difficult. He may not be the right one for me. But I do love him VERY much. he is just young and unsure of what he really wants. He has been the best boyfriend I have ever had. A GREAT father figure to Sierra. And a good friend.
Anyway, he said he would call me Sunday about getting Akosha (that's one of our dogs). And that he would say Goodbye to Sierra then as well. he never called. I did get a call that evening from his cousin Perez. He is being VERY supportive as well. Sunday was very hard day. I called my mom at least 20 times in hysteria. I know there will be those kind of days and hopefully they will happen less and less.
Monday was better. I woke up and got Sierra and I dressed and headed to pick up Nicole. We hung out for a few hours before deciding we would go to KrazyKell's for a Labor Day cookout. Before we went we stopped at my house so I could grab something. The phone rang. It was Quis. It seems so strange to be nervouse to speak with him now. But I was. Iw as like "Oh God..its Quis..what do I say?". Basically he told me that he had been thinking about me and just wanted to call. He was t work and they were VERY slow with the holiday. We actually had a nice convo. I was VERY glad he didn't catch me during one of my "moments". Instead I sounded upbeat. I asked him if he would watch the dogs for me this weekend so I can go to ATL and hang with my squad. He said he would. We talked for a few more minutes and hung up the phone.
Oh I forgot to mention that I met someone this weekend. I'm not trying to jump into anything, but I do want to have some people to hang out with. His name is Mike. He is a little shorter than I normally like, but very attractive. Nicole introduced us as he is her friends brother. Anyway, he called me last night and we had a really nice talk. I think he is gonna come by today after work. Oh and Msthing..he is an ARIES!
So I am looking forward to this weekend. SIerra will be at Hope Haven from friday -Sunday. I am gonna try to catch up with my siblings. Suedemuffins. She should be back in the trap this weekend so Im hoping she will let me crash at her crib!!! It's on for sho ladies!!!
If you don't give a damn we don't give a FUCK!! betta know dat!!! U WAY!
I think I will also talk to the HTML fairy about giving me a facelift to reflect my newfound singlehood! Hope you had a great time in sin city sibling!!
sheldawg at 9/02/2003 05:56:00 AM
Dear SHELBY,
A strong desire to beautify your home could impel you to spend both more time and more money than you have right now. You have quite a fire of lit under you, and the creative ability to boot! However, SHELBY, try not to go completely overboard. Let your creativity find small, inexpensive ways to spruce up your environment. Perhaps some throw pillows could add a little color, or you could frame your children's artwork... sheldawg at 9/02/2003 05:17:00 AM
