That's right, today is tuesday which means after tomorrow I'M GONE!! however, it also means that tomorrow is Wednesday and I have a root canal scheduled. I have never had one, but I am told that you are not in too much pain afterwards. Which I really hope is true since I have to make that long ride the very next day. I do not want this "vacation" to be filled with tooth pain! that is NOT cool!!
I still have alot to do to prepare..or at least I feel like I do. Maybe I should take the day of tomorrow as well. I already have to be out in the AM for this root canal. And I have much more I could be doing at home than sitting HERE.
OK!! actually I need to have 2 root canals in themorning. I thought they would do them one at a time..WELP..I was wrong!!! this is just great!!!
Before I go any further..I will say again..that I realize I make frequent spelling mistakes and since this is my personal journal type thing. I don't really care. Because this isnt a spelling test. This is my life...and its real.
I wasn't looking forward to talking to Steve. I was barely able to comprehend Derek's death myself. And I already had enough to swallow with Steve. But aside from the things happening with Steve. We had just lost Derek. And that was top priority. I had to be there for Shelly and Kassandra (I haven't mentioned San-san till now but she is Derek and Shelley's little girl). Steve, or course, had a terrible time accepting this news. In fact, Im still not sure he has. I think it wasn't as real to him since he wasn't able to attend the funeral. And, unfortunatley, Derek and him hadn't spoken much since his arrest.
I starting staying with Shelley very often. The funeral took forever because of the fact we had to get his brother, Eric, here from overseas. Eric was in the Army and stationed in Germany at the time. Also, the ground was frozen so we had to wait until it thawed some for the burial. Seeing his twin brother at the funeral really made it all that more difficult. Just sitting there looking at this man..who looked VERY similar to the person we were mourning.
This was the hardest time for Shelley and I. I mean, not too long before this we were 2 semi-happy couples, enjoying life. I was pregnant and Derek and Shelly were raising San-San. The 4 of us used to have the most fun together. And now..it was gone. Just us and our little girls. How could this happen??? Everything in Shelley's house reminded us of Derek. We finally decided she should move and she came to Ithaca. As we were packing we ran across several things of us that reminded us of how silly he was. We laffed and Cried.
I don't think I can ever fully explain the impact these 6 months had on my life. Shelley and I have a bond now that can never be broken. Several years ago. Shelley came with me on a visit to Steve. I think it was the first time they were able to deal with Derek's death. Neither of them wanted to accept it. Once they saw each other they didn't have a choice. I left them alone at the table because I felt they needed to do this without me. Shelley had some of her own questions and comment to be said to Steve. And I allowed her that time. Healing is important and even Steve needs to deal with the fact that Derek is gone. I think he just thinks of it like "well..we dont see each other because I'm in jail".
Derek Tyrone Blandford Died on February 19, 1994. Kassandra is 11 now. She was only 1.5 when Derek died. Shelley has since told her of her father and I am so happy. Kassandra is very interested in him. She even keeps a journal where she writes to him. They don't live far from the cemetary so she also goes there frequently. I think it fascinates her to know people that knew her father. SO her and I are also very close. She loves to hear any story relating to him and I love to tell the stories. Derek loved his daughter and I won't let her forget it. It's the least I can do for my dear friend.
sheldawg at 6/23/2003 10:27:00 AM
The trial
Steve's trial started at the end of January (I think I have bloacked the exact date from my memory). The whole trial lasted only 1 week. With the prosecution on the stand for 4 days and Steve's, court appointed dum ass, taking 1 day. Actually, to be more precise, it only took 1 morning. Friday morning and *I* was the ONLY witness. I don't know why Derek never got called. None of his family or friends. No one from his High School. Only *ME*. What the hell could I do or say?? This man (regradless of anything) was on trial for his life. And I was the person expected to save it!!
As I took the stand and looked out over the sea of familiar and unfamiliar faces. I saw Steve's family and friends and those of the victim. And I saw Steve. trying not to look at me as I spoke. Even though I hated him for what he had done. I was shocked when the prosecution tried to drag our love life and all its sorted tales into the courtroom. reminding me of all the times I had called the police after Steve hit me. Asking me "do you REALLY love this man?" what a horrible thing to do to a young girl that had just given birth. I hadn't even started to begin the process of healing or deciding how I felt about him. I made him look like the monster they wanted him to be basically sealing his fate.
The whole 4 days teh prosecuation spent tearing him apart. From facts the only received as a result of his confession. the 2 months they spent trying to gather evidence and peice things together was worthless. They would have had nothing if he hadn't have told them.
Anyway, That afternoon as we prepared to leave the courthouse. I approached a memeber of Ms. maloney's family. To this day I don't know what gave me the nerve. But I just felt like something needed to be said. I said "Mr. maloney, on behalf of Steve's family, we want you to know how sorry we are for your loss and that we don't condone any of Steve's action.." and before I could say another thing. This bastard cut me off and started screaming at me on the courthouse steps. He basically told me that he didn't give a damn what we thought or how we felt. He said some other choice words for me and also made a comment about our child. Now..at this point, I lost ALL my cool. How DARE he say these things to me as if I wasn't suffereing as well. I didn't know this woman. I didn't pick up my hand and kill her. Why the hell was she sleeping with my man?? she was in her 40's. Why was she sleeping with a 21 year old man. Who had a pregnant girlfriend at home?? Naturally, the reason he felt this way is because they didn't believe for a second that this lady was sleeping with a young man..let alone a BLACK man. They would rather believe that he broke into her house and raped her and killed her. Even though there was NO evidence to support that.
Did he think that his grandmother and that his parents were in pain as well? Did he think that my daughter deserved to br raised without her father? or that I deserve to have to live this pain over and over through my life as she grows. Eventually the pain of loosing her would subside for t hem. Not saying they would forget. But the immediate pain would go away. I would have to continure to deal with Steve for MANY years to come.
I believed that he had some type of relationship with Ms. Maloney. During that summer, I had found a phone number, and of course, I called it. I got the answering machine of what I thought was a young girl "hey this is Sandy..Im not home leave a message". I questioned Steve about the number and he informed me that the number was to his friend, Jeter's, mother's house. He had seen her earlier that day and she gave him the number to contact her to reach Jeter. I found this answer acceptable and didn't think about it again until I realized she was the one.
After Steve's trial things did not get any better. On Faburay 19th (a friday) I got 2 phone calls. The first was from Shelley telling me she was having a party that night and could I make my way to Elmira. I wasn't gonna be able to go out at all that night since I didn't have a sitter. She had also told me that her and Derek had just had a big fight and she thought he would be headed to Ithaca to go out that evening. No sooner did I hang up with Shelley that Derek called. Saying the same thing and could I meet him at Calypso Bay (a local nightclub). I told Derek I couldnt go out, but that I was sure Kim would be there.
The next day I was awoken by another phone call. Naturally with it being Saturday morning I expected it to be Derek with his weekly "shelley" confession. However, to my suprise, it was Shelley. She immediatley asked me if I was with Derek the night before. I told her no and I was concerned why she was asking because she was crying. She then told me that Derek was dead. He had been killed in a acar accident the night before as he drove from Ithaca to Elmira.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I told her I would be there ASAP and hung up. I them called Kim and asked her if she say Derek at the club. She said she did and they had a few drinks together. He offered her a ride home, but she already had one. He then left alone on his way home. He actually rode up there with 2 other guys. The reason they didn't ride back with him is still unclear.
On my way to Elmira that day. It was very peaceful. I was trying to figure out what was going on. I looked for signs along the road showing that some accident had occurred. I saw nothing. Especially since I didn't know exactly where on the 30 mile stretch it had happened. And it was also very snowy. When I got to Shelley's house, it wasn't hard totell something was wrong. There were cars lined up along the orad outside of her home. Mostly cars belonging to members of her family. When I walked in, everyone clanced up at me and informed me that Shelley was in the back room waiting for me.
When I saw Shelley sitting on the bed. I just started crying. We sat in there alone for awhile. Until someone came and told her that she would be able to go view the body that afternoon.
I remembered that someone was gonna have to tell Steve. I called the jail and asked to speak to the nurse. She is the one that has the job of delivering this type of news to the inmates. She assured me she would pass the message along. Unfortunatley, he already knew. He saw the story on the news earlier tha morning. I called his grandmother's house and she told me that he had called and was asking to see me immediatley.
sheldawg at 6/23/2003 08:06:00 AM
Okay..taking a break from the "steve" saga..
I just received and email from my previously mentioned friend, Julie. She reminded me that I didn't give the "Canada" story its due justice.
To be honest, I didn't give Julie hers. I made it seem as if Kim and I were alone in our schemes. Julie was along for the ride most of the time. We were road dawgs!! She was the one who introduced us to Geneva. She was the youngest of the 3, but definatley the main organizer (she was also the Kraft mac n cheese and stove top stuffing master). We had the best time at Julie's house because we were mostly unsupervised. We covered her bedroom walls in pictures taken out of magazines (she loved Kwame with his lil polka dot self).
When we made our trip to Canada. I do not know WHAT the hell we were thinking. We had met these guys ( I may need Julie to help me out with some of the minor details) However, we met these guys who had been here for some wrestling tounrament or something. And we started phone conversations with them. We even got them to come down from Canada to visit on several occasions.
One daythey said "okay you guys have to come here now" and they offered to come get us and bring us back. Being the very young girls we were..we said "OKAY!!". We don't know the first thing about Canada and we didn't care. The whole trip was a disaster! First of all, they had to sneak us around to 3 different houses (since they hadn't gotten permission for us to come). We ran out of money (and we very confused about the canadian-american money difference). And then we almost didn't get back over the border because SOMEONE didn't have their ID. Luckily Kim's cute freckled face and her broken arm, buttered up the canadian customs dude into letting us back in. When we got over we LITERALLY kissing the ground in the parking lot.
Our parents thought we were at each others house (the normal teenage girl lie) It was easy to lie about Julie's house because her mom was never there.
The funny thing is, a little over a year ago, I was talking to my mom. And somehow we got talking about my teenage days. And wouldn't you know it..she KNEW about the Canada trip!! she never said a damn word!! I don't know how she knew..or when the hell she found out!! but she NEVER mentioned it to me.
Anyhoo..
Julie has 2 beautiful children now. And she is still one of my dearest friends. We don't see each other often, due to her living in NY. We have all grown up alot since our days sitting on the phone for hours at Julie's house, and sneaking out ANY and EVERY chance we got. We were 3 of a kind! and we definatley made our mark across 4 counties in Upstate NY.
After receiving the call from Derek I was in shock!! I didn't know what to do first. Derek told me that after going back to the police station to pick Steve up earlier in the evening. As they were leaving, for some reason, Steve stopped and went back to talk to the police again. Shortly after, an officer approached Derek and said that Steve wished to speak with him. Steve asked Derek where I was. After hearing that I had returned to my parents home in Ithaca and wouldnt be returning. He confessed to Derek. He had asked for both of us, but since I had already left, Derek had to hear this alone.
When he called me he was crying. And telling me he refused to beleive what he was told. There was NO WAY he could have done this. Why was he saying these things?? I proceeded to call Steve's dad and relay what I had been told. The next phone call we received was from a Deputy at the Elmira Police Department. They said that Steve wanted to speak with me and asked my parents permission to do so. I thought that was very odd. When I got on the phone I said "I don't know what your about to say to me Stephen..but it better explain what the hell is going on here" all he said was "Shelby, I am soo sorry..it was an accident". I proceeded to tell him to forget about me and the baby and hung up the phone. I don't remember too much about the rest of that evening. I think I spent most of it locked in the bathroom.
The following days I didn't leave the house much because of all the newspaper and TV coverage. His face was everywhere. Of course you can imagine being in a small town. Our phone was ringing off the hook from concerned friends and family, as well as nosey people and news media.
We had to return to Elmira to move our stuff from our apartment. The Elmira Housing Authority evicted me due to Steve's arrest. When we arrived at the apartment there was a barrage of media awaiting our arrival. My father informed them that they would here from his lawyer if they did not respect our privacy (this is one large italian man you don't want to see angry..trust me). Some of Steve's family met us there to retrive his belongings.
After emptying the apt. I returned to Ithaca. The next few weeks were very chaotic. I kept in close touch with Derek and Shelly. We were all 3 feeling the same way. Sad, angry, betrayed. We were very confused as to how this could have happened? and without any of us knowing? I felt very badly for Derek. Derek and Steve (along with Derek's twin Eric) had been best friends since high school and even shared an apartment together after graduation.
I was due to deliver the baby in November. On one of my doctor's visitis I saw Kim in the lobby. We had not spoken in months and had not discussed the situation with Steve yet. At first it was awkward. But as soon as I sat down it was just like old times. We made plans to meet up later that day. I went to her house around 4 that day and we talked for hours. We then drove to elmira to see Shelley and Derek.
The next week I went to see Steve for the first time since his arrest. I can't tell you what we talked about because all I remember is his face. I sat there and just looked at him the whole time. While he was amazed at how "big" I had gotten, I was amazed that this was all happening. Was I really sitting here in a county jail visiting room talking to the man who's baby I will be having!!
I saw Steve 2 more time before Sierra was born. Kim's baby Airik was born on November 8th and Sierra was born 2 weeks later on the 24th.
Two weeks after Sierra was born I was appraoched by my father. He handed me the keys to the cars and said "take your daughter to see her father" and he walked out of the room. Mind you. My dad and I had hardly spoken since Steve's arrest. My dad is a very non-emotional person. He mostly stays in his room and keeps to himself. So this was huge! the fact that he just wanted Steve to understand the impact of what he had done. To see the face of this beautiful child.
I tried to take Sierra to see Steve at least twice a month until his trial in January. Derek and Shelly broke up. He moved out into his own place. I spent lots of time at Shelley's apartment. And spent saturday's on the phone with Derek from his job at Elmira College as a security guard. He would talk to me about Shelley and Steve and we would try to figure out what went wrong. Our group had fallen apart. And the worse was yet to come.
sheldawg at 6/23/2003 06:20:00 AM
Friday, June 20, 2003
Continued...
SO after the daddies and parents were notified things started to change. Dougie ended up moving with Kim and I with Steve. Kim and I satrted to loose touch because Steve started a bunch of lies (I didn't know at the time this is what had happened). Steve and I moved to Elmira soon after (that's where he is from as well). He had a best friend names Derek and his girlfriends name was Shelley. We all had become very close in the last year so when we moved we got a place to close to them. I was working i n ithaca at a fitness center and driving back and forth until I decided it was too much. Steve was working a Pizza Hut in Elmira.
After, a series of events Steve was arrested in august 1993. The charge was murder 2. How this all came about is still not really clear so I will only discuss the facts. He was having an affair with and acquaintence of his who was an older lady. Some type of disagreement came between them and he killed her. We had all heard about the killing since weeks had gone by with no suspects. Never did I think he was living with me. The day we found out I will never forget.
The 4 of us were hardly ever apart. One day I was out to lunch with my uncle. As two men approached asking me if I would accompany them to their cars and ride to the police station so they could ask me some questions. Immediatley my uncle chimed in and told them I wasn't going anywhere unless he could go too. Neither of us knew what this could be about. On our way to the station they tell me that it was regarding the Maloney murder investigation. What the hell did I know about that??
It didn't take long before it was very clear that they thought Steve was somehow involved. At this point I was 6 months pregnant and VERY irritable that they were not being direct with me or even offering me a glass of water. finally I said..look. Unless you think you are charging me with something..Im pregnant and Im leaving. They didn't really push the issue I assume realizing I knew nothing.
After leaving the office I see Shelly. She infomrs me that Derek and Steve are there as well. I could not believe it. Was this really happening?? Derek came out soon after and said for us to go and he was gonna wait for Steve. I wasn't happy about that but I trusted Derek and wanted to leave that place anyway.
Derek arrived at the house about 30 mins. later and said he got a ride to get the car and that he was going back to pick up steve. In t he meantime, my uncle had called my parents and they were hot on the road to Elmira to get me. I had NO intention of leavinguntil I knew what the FYCK was going on.
After as unsuccessful fight with my mom about staying in Elmmira. I headed back to their home in Ithaca. I called Steve's dad to inform him on what was going on and if someone could please go there and find out the deal. I got a call from Derek not too long after saying Steve had confessed to him about Killing Sandra Maloney. I couldn't believe my ears! how could Derek lie to me?? he was lying right? he just had to be!! but he wasnt. And that's when my life changed forever.
I just got off the phone with MsThing. She is too funny! She is determined to be the next Oprah. The funny thing is..I can really see her doing it too!!
Okay, back to Steve. Eventually I got an apt. with Kim and Shannon. It was a VERY small apt. only 1 bedroom. I'm sure you can imagine how interesting that was. It was a large room and each of us had a single bed. Obviously we worked things out if company was to come over. Most of the time it was a blast. Shannon and I both had cars so the three of us were running wild. I was still seeing Steve, but by this point we had gone through alot (almost 2 years later) and we kinda seeing other people. Sean was back in the picture. In the winter of 1993 we had a HUGE snow storm (The Blizzard of '93) anyway, during this blizzard Shannon and I were TRAPPED in this tiny apt. with Kim and Dougie. Now when I saw trapped I want you to get a real picture of this. We had maybe close to 4 feet of snow. You couldnt leave the house unless you climbed out a window and even then you could have to dig a small tunnel. But you still can't get your car out. The city was shut down. And here we are stuck in this place with 1 bedroom and Kim and Dougie. When they finally opened the roads 4 days later we called my dad and pleaded with him to bring over his truck with the plow on the front and dig out 1 of the cars. He obliged and as soon as the first car was free, Shannon and I were GONE!! I hadn't seen Steve in days so I went and stayed with him for a few nights. Needless to say this is how Sierra and Airik ended up being 2 weeks apart.
Soon after, Kim and I booted Shannon out. She started acting really stank and shady. Then came the point of no return. Kim was suspecting she could be pregnant, but was afraid to take a test. I told her I would take one too since I was a couple days late. Welp, we went and bought 2. Took them at the same time. Checked them at the same time. And found out at the same time that we were BOTH pregnant.
I should have known when I said that I wanted to go downtown tonight, that I would end up sitting here alone at the computer. How lame am I?
Next week Sierra will go to NY and for the first summer I will have a new freedom. This is the first time Sierra will be gone and I have my own car. Previously we only had 1 car..so if he aint want me to roll..you know the rest. NOW, I have my own mode of transpo and no reason to sit my ass here!!
I just don't think I can explain how great this is gonna be. Might not make Quis so happy, but oh well! at 11:39pm on Thursday, June 19th, 2003 I DON'T GIVE A FYCK!! how bout dat!
Well, at the request of one MsThing, I will finish some more of the story.
As I mentioned before we spent alot of time with Sean and Dougie. This section of my life is kinda blurry, so hold on while I remember what the hell happened next. OK!! During the time we did spend in Ithaca we hung out with random people. Just kinda floated around to whatever spot was hot at the time. At one point is was Rob and Tommy's apartment on Spencer Street. This is where I met Steve. Actually I first saw him at a High School basketball game. he was with Tommy and them so of course I enquired. The mentioned that he spends time at their apartment and I should come by sometime. And of course I did. When I went there, of course, there was drama (which should have been my first clue) but this guy was SO attractive. This girl was there and needless to say she did not appreciate my arrival. Steve noticed the tension and asked if I would like to go for a walk. Be it that we lived in Upstate, NY and it was FEBRUARY you can only imagine how damn cold it was. But neither of us cared. We walked from the apt. to downtown and all around Ithaca. He then walked me back to the car and we said good night. After, that it didnt take long that my trips to elmira were getting less and less because of the time I was spending with Steve.
When summer came around I was lucky enough to get my own car! this was JUST what Kim and I needed. We tried to sneak out of Ithaca as much as possible. I was still spending time with Steve. But, by this time I had found out about some things (in particular SOMEONE) and realized that I wasn't his top priority. So Kim and I went back to doing us. Which Steve didn't really appreciate. This is when I discovered his violent side.
He started to become abusive. before I continue understand that I do nottalk about Steve often, or the life we shared, for reasons you will read about later, so I may skip around alot.
OH! my work day is over..so I guess we will continue this tommorroe..if thats okay with MsThing!! I am still waiting for her to get through with the Storm and move on to the Calm after!!! thats the best part of the story..when the Thing dies!!
sheldawg at 6/19/2003 01:47:00 PM
ELMIRA
Okay, what I know NOW about Elmira and what I wanted to believe then are 2 different things. I now know that Elmira is run down and there is no opportunity for advancement.
But in 1992. It was all about BOYS!! First, it was Sean. WHOA!! yall must understand that I LOVED me some Sean. In fact, the thing with Sean lasted a LOOONG time. Im sure IF I wasn't with Quis...everytime I went home it would be ON!! OK!!! Anyway, Sean had a friend named Dougie. We met them at this lil under 21 club. We used to go out there and dance with them ALL Night. We had THE BEST times with them. We used to go to Elmira as much as possible to be with them. We continued this trend for awhile.
After reading my girl suedemuffins blog, I realized that I had not yet introduced my crew. And since she said everything so well..Im stealing her shit!! hahahah (thanx girl)
See, Suedemuffins, MsThing and myself have this thing called the UCB crew... for those of you who don't know, UCB stands for United Colors of Benetton. the three of us are from different cultures, upbringings, and come from cities far from each other, only to have met in jawjuh. that's what i love about our friendship is that we have so many things in common, yet our diverse backgrounds is key in our friendships.... of course we joke with each other, but our frienship is deeper than our skin color. :)
now, miss Suede is currently in Cali doing the familia thing. But, when she is finished she will be back in the "A"..with all the "trap music" she can stand representin the clique!!
Unfortunatley, I am the only one in the group that lives in the OTHER "A" which is Athens. They frequently tease me about living in the "country" and missing out on all the good shit..including the MALLS!! but, its all good. They know anytime a good party or concert is goin down, Sheldawg will be there..oh thats me..Sheldawg aka MsQuis!! ;)
Okay now that I am done stealing the girls words..lemme go back to work!
I spoke with my mom this morning, after her return from New Jersey to watch my little borther play baseball. Well okay..I guess now that we are older (and he is MUCH taller) I should refer to him as my younger brother. He plays minor league baseball for the St. Louis Cardinals. He is on their New Jersey Team. Unfortunatley, he didn't have a very good game last night. They put him in at the very end of the game and they other team scored 2 runs on him. And since he was the last pitcher up, he gets the loss. My brother is a very sweet (and if you ask ANY of my friends) very attractive young man. I think with him having been the youngest with 2 older sister he is a little more aware of women's feelings. I don't want to say he is "sensitive" because he would probably kill me. But he has seen my sister and I go through things so naturally he is very caring. Which leads him to get hurt easily. This broad he is dating now is TROUBLE!!! my sister was visiting him last week and stated that she wanted to tell that girl to "LEAVE MY BROTHER ALONE". I will try to have a talk with him. I just want him to see that he needs to focus on baseball right now and not worry about that girl and whatever craziness she is gettin into in florida. She is always getting drunk and getting into bad situations and then calling my brother at all hours of the night to cry about it. Which in turn makes him worry about her and he can't focus on his damn career!! I know its hard, because he is young and THINKS he is in love. Im sure he won't listen to me either, but imma tell him anyway cuz that's my lil bro!!
Anyway, today is thrusday. One week before I start my drive home. I am so exited. I really need to connect with my family and friends back home. My best friend, Kim, had a baby in November, Jaden, and I still haven't seen him (well except for the picture she sent when he was like a week old). It's so weird to me that she has a baby that I am not around. As close as we were when Sierra and Airik (her other son) were born. Sierra and Airik are only 2 weeks apart. Don't ask me how that happened (thats for the rest of my "ode to ithaca" post). We will only have 3 days there so Im gonna spend alot of time running around trying to see everyone. I always say that I WILL not to do that. But once I get there I get so excited!!
I think we will spend most of thursday driving, which will get us there in time to have a little while with my family and get a good night sleep. So I can start my visiting early the next day!
Well, I better go work for a while! blog ya later!
I had every intention of coming home and finishing my "history". However, there has been a change of plans.
After speaking with Sierra's babysitter and finding out that she had been cussing and pushing the sitter. I decided tonight would not be as quiet and relaxing as previously expected.
For whatever reason Sierra is having a behavior block today. I'm not sure if something happened at school or if the buses running l ate just threw her off. Unfortunatley, it doesn't take much to put her into one of these moods. It is very important to autistic children that they have routine in their life. Generally eating, sleeping, bathing and what have you, at around the same time daily. There MUST be some type of schedule due to the fact that their brain is filled with such chaos as it is. Basically, the theory is, that autism is in some way related to the fact that the person is not able to release mercury from their system. This mercury buildup causes the brain to not function normally. It would be like just a bunch of peices of things always floating around and never quite coming together or making any sense.
Anyway, when I arrived at home Sierra was deep in sleep. I figured she was just extremley tired and would regain her composure once she awakened. As a stated before one of our issues is toileting. She does not wipe or flush. Nor does she pull up her clothes when she finishes. So I am constantly pulling her clothes up, wiping her, remind her to flush and washing her hands. All of this is a process to her. Literally to be taken step by step. Such as: She has to 1. turn on the water 2. put soap on her hands 3. place hands in water and lather, etc. This is really the ONLY way to get things thru to her. You can't just say wash your hands. She doesnt comprhend all the steps involved in that.
Needless to say, this time, I had a breakdown. I try very hard to go on with things and say "well...this is your daughter...this is how she is" and Im sure someone without a disabled child could say that. But, you really never understand the magnitude of the pain until you experience it yourself. This isnt just a person..this is YOUR child. That came from YOU. When you give birth. This feeling comes over you that I cannot explain.
When you see your child there. So beautiful!! you just can't imagine that her life will be any different than the one you had. Except BETTER if possible. Thats all anyone wants for their child. And when...that doesnt happen. Well...its very disturbing.
I love my daughter very much! but, this is not what I had in mind when I made the decision to have this baby. I am blessed...don't get it twisted. My daughter is one of the most beautiful children you will ever see!! and VERY funny. But, she does have a disability and thats just the reality of it. Some days or easy and fun. Some days are VERY hard and sad. This hasnt been a good week. I'm thinking its just because she knows its almost time to go to Gramma's (she will spend July in NY with my mom). I hope we can both take this time so when we are together again. We can start fresh. I think we both need the break.
sheldawg at 6/18/2003 04:51:00 PM
Before I continue with the old skool stories..I should warn you that eventually this will lead to the "babies daddy drama" of my daughters father, Steve. He doesn't come along in the story until 1992 and I think we left off in 1991.
The truth is...this blog is about to get RAW! so be ready! LOL!!!
Right now it's 4:00pm and my day is 60 mins away from being over! well my WORK day anyway. Luckily Quis is off tonight so at least I won't have to do "dog duty" when I get home. And he has already scooped Sassy up from the babysitter. She should be in time out because we had a bit of a behavior breakdown at the sitter's today. So I'm sure I am in for a REALLY enjoyable evening of attitude!!
sheldawg at 6/18/2003 12:57:00 PM
Okay...now that I have finished a bunchof work. I can continue my "ode to Ithaca" a dedication the small town that created ME! (haha)
Growing up in Ithaca was very fun. We have a really nice lake and lots of hills. Ithaca is pretty much nestled in a kind-of valley. Much of this I was able to appreciate until recent years. Of course when we were younger, (when I say younger here I am of course referring to the teenage years), there was NOTHING to do. Except go hang out at the mall or on the commons. Being a "college town" Ithaca left much to be desired for anyone who actually lived there and didn't go to one of the local universities. Sure there was frat parties a plenty , but even that got tiring. I mean, it's not like you can really meet a "boy" there. I mean..YOU CAN, but I think we can all see why that wasn't always a good idea.
In high school it didn't matter all that much. I mean, I had a very close knit group of friends. Made up mostly of the cheerleading squad and the basketball/football team. I was part of a crew we called "MD 20/20" , now before you die laffing. Please understand I have NO recollection of where that name came from. I can only remember that nasty liquid crack drink with the same name. Go figure!!
Anyway, most of that group was guys who were friend's with my boyfriend and I, of course, was just always around because of him. We spent lots of time together for one reason or another. I love those guys!! to this day we all stay in touch. mostly thru email. Several of them have since moved back to Ithaca. While others are spread up and down the east coast. Some of us have had children and a few of us have even been married.
I left high school earlier in my senior year (obviously this is something I have regretting since) not because I don't have a actual diploma, but a GED. But, because I missed my senior week and my senior prom. I started working at the mall and hanging out with some....interesting people.
(enter Kim)
I met Kim through a mutual friend, who we wont mention because she is not worth it. Kim and I became inseperable and this is no exaggeration. Kim wasn't from Ithaca, but from a even smaller town on the outskirts. Soon Kim and I were running all over the Tri State area from Syracuse, Auburn, Geneva and Elmira (and one time we even snuck of too Canada!!). Although we still had our friends in Ithaca (I of course made sure Kim was fully introduced to my "crew") we spent most of our time elsewhere.
Our 2 other friends, Shannon and Julie, were often with us on our adventures. In fact, Julie had a baby with my friend Jeff from my high school crew. Anyway, we quickly found a new home in Elmira. Eventually, we were there more than we were at home. We met some guys (of course) and started having a blast in "our new home".
As I sit here I wonder how much I could tell you...really I could tell you everything that has happened in the past 12 years since I left high school, and I just might. So...Im just gonna keep on going. But for now..lets' end here with ELMIRA..because that my friends is an Era in itself.
Is it EVER gonna stop raining??? well It doesn't appear that it will anytime soon. Which really ruins my weekend plans of sitting under the sun until my skin wrinkles. My tanning package ran out this weekend. I used up my last 2 days trying to get mytan on for the Birthday Bash! now I need a boost before I make my trip home in 7 days.
Yesterday I went to the dentist for a cleaning. As embarrassing as it is to say, it has been awhile since I have had one. My mouth feels SO good!! I will never let that much time go by again! and now that I have a dentist I am happy with everything should work out.
In light of the fact that I am going home next week. I would like to talk a little bit about home. Home for me is a small town in upstate New York called Ithaca. I attended Ithaca High School. Ithaca is also the home of Cornell University, which is an Ivy League School, and Ithaca College, which is a private college.
I lived in Ithaca until 1997 when I moved to georgia.
Okay...unfortunatley I am gonna have to leave this for now..I will pick back up after I finish some of my work I have been putting off.
For those of you unfamiliar with PDD or Autism here are a few links for you to check out.
NICHCY - A publication of the National Information Center for Children and Youth with Disabilities.
Here is the definition:
Autistic disorder is one of the disabilities specifically defined in the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), the federal
legislation under which children and youth with disabilities receive special education and related services. IDEA, which uses the
term “autism,� defines the disorder as “a developmental disability significantly affecting verbal and nonverbal communication and
social interaction, usually evident before age 3, that adversely affects a child’s educational performance. Other characteristics often
associated with autism are engagement in repetitive activities and stereotyped movements, resistance to environmental change or
change in daily routines, and unusual responses to sensory experiences.�
Sierra doesn't exhibit all of the signs of Autism so she was diagnosed with PDD which is under the umbrella of autism. She does have the social and verbal issues. Communication with Sierra is very difficult. It is not unusual for her to throw her hands up and say "no no no" not matter what it is you are trying to do. She doesn't comprehend simple commands or instructions. For example: If I ask Sierra to put her dinner plate in the sink..chances are it could end up in the trash as well. It just depends on the day. She knows the trash from the sink, but since at school she must throw all her dishes in the trash. She gets confused easily. I cant tell you how many things I have either had to pull out of the trash..or didn't realize why the heck I was missing so many utensils!!
I want to make it clear that my daughter is a blessing. And I am thankful that she doesnt have a more "serious" disabilty that could risk her life or a physical disability. With that being sad. I think everyone understand that God only gives each person what they can handle. I know many people that would have a complete breakdown if they had to deal with Sierra on a day to day basis. And then I know that I would have a hard time delaing with a physically disabled child like my cousins' son Dylan. But, Jill is WONDEFRUL with Dylan. And then there are the parent's that do not appreciate the fact that they have "normal" children. They don't spend enough time appreciating their children and the fact that they don't have to attend to them every minute of the day. For me, it would be a world of pleasure for Sierra to completely dress herself just ONE time. Im sure most people that have 10 year old to not have to worry about that.
There are also parent's that do not let their children "act their age". For me, Sierra's mentalilty is at the level of a 4 year old. I would do anything for her to be a true 10 year old. I don't even know what that is like. There is no slumber parties, roller skating, bike riding. I think back to my childhood and hate that my daughter can't enjoy those things in the same way I did. Do you know that I will cry the day she rides a bike!! that will be the biggest day for me.
My feelings get hurt frequently because naturally, as a parent, you feel for your child. My friend's lil girl is 4. Her and Sierra play well toegther most of the time. Sierra absolutely adores the girl. All she wants to do is play and have a friend. So the other day they were playing and jumping on the bed. Its not unusual for Sierra to get a lil excited when she plays. And since she has no concept of how to interect with other children because of her lacking in social skills. She accidently hit the girl in the eye with a toy. This was almost a week ago. But, still everytime Sierra comes around this 4 year old tells her to "get out of my room" or "you cant play here anymore". Its very hurtful to me especially since Sierra doesnt even understand that she doesnt want to play with her. My friend feels bad too. I know children will be children and there isnt a whole lot you can do especially when they are so young.
Another incident that sticks out in my mind is when I attended my first Autism Society of America meeting. When I walked in I was happy to be greeted by a familiar face. The parent of a girl in Sierra's calss at school. She procedded to tell me where I could find her daughter in the daycare room, and how happy she would be to see Sierra. They play together in school so I was comfortable in the thought that at least Sierra would be okay. Well, as soon as we walk in the room and the child sees Sierra she starts yelling "WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE?" "SHE'S GONNA RUIN EVERYTHING!". Needless to say that was NOT what I wanted to hear. I wanted to turn into a 12 year old girl and run down the hall crying. How could anyone feel this way about my sweet lil girl? I had to remember that this girl has the same issues as Sierra so to try not to take it to heart. Sierra, of course, has no idea that she was being isulted in anyway and was just happy to see a "friend".
Ya know..everytime I try to do this Sierra blog..I get emotional and have to stop. Please forgive me. I can not be at my desk crying!! UGHH get it together!!!!!
okay yall..thanx to my girl Suedemuffins you can now comment on my posts. Just hit the "holla back" button underneath each post and gimme your 2 cents!!
I'm not sure why I care! I'm sure the UCB crew will be the only ones to say anything anyway!!!
sheldawg at 6/16/2003 01:12:00 PM
Post Bash Weekend......the aftershock
It's been a few days since I have written so let's back up to Friday.
My sister got lost on her way from florida. It was raining VERY hard and she missed an exit. Luckily it only made her about an hour later than scheduled. However, it did make her very sleepy so she wasn't in the mood to go out. That was fine with me since I would be headed to Atlanta the very next night anyway. I still enjoyed my short visit with her. And knowing I will be at her apartment in 2 short weeks anyway.
Saturday started off fine. I got up and went tanning and got my hair cut. I had been mulling over the hair cut decision for a while so on a whim I went to the Cost Cutters next door to the tanning salon and just did it. I think I am pretty happy with it. I am a very low maintenence person when it comes to style. I don't think you should have to spend alot of time to look good good. If you spend an excessive amount of time getting ready, chances are you have a ton of make up on and piles of goop in your hair. That's just not me! I need a simple, natural style...no stress and no fuss!
We really wanted to get to ATL early because we are very aware, after past events, that parking at the ampitheater is not easy to come by. We usually like to park inside the gates. Well I could tell that everyone was running late. Candy and JJ were having car issues and needed to take it in for a quick check. I was still deciding on an outfit. I finally decided on my terry cloth suit. It would be cute and comfortable, since it was currently raining.
We finally goton the road around 4. We still had to go get Curtis and go to the mall. Which of course was gonna take more time. Our original plan of being in the parking lot by 4 was obviously scratched now. We just wanted to get there and have it PLEASE STOP RAINING!! The whole ride to the mall was rain..not light rain either!! I'm talking monsoon!! I was seriously considering ropping out of this whole thing. We got to South Dekalb mall. That is a WHOLE story in itself. We have to meet up with Julie to give her the money for the tickets as well as the spare tickets, since she was collecting shit for Hawk.
I still haven't figured out why she is the chosen one doing all his dirty work. But, I guess it's not really my business. Hawk frequently makes bad decisions on who to trust with things like that. I thought he learned his lesson with Andy. I mean it wasnt long ago this very same girl broke out the windows on his car!! *sigh* anyway...moving right along!
So, after meeting with Julie, we finally headed to the concert. Now, you all must understand that I love my man!! but this fool can irritate the hell outta me sometimes. We start heading down the highway and he basically tells us he forgot how to get there. How the hell are you gonna wait until NOW to say this??? UGHHH!! we have a car of people following us and you don't know where to go!! so Curtis gets on the phone and starts calling folx for directions. Luckily we weren't too far away. So we get up near the place and traffic is not moving. We had to park a ways down the street from the entrance. Parking was $20!!! and it wasn't even a lot..it was a field..a very wet and muddy field. No one was very excited about walking through this crap. Not the guys with all their new sneaker or the ladies with their high heels. Everyone tromped thru it and hurried to the bathrooms to get it all washed off. The bathroom "floors" looked worse than the field. OH!! I forgot one thing..JJ locked the keys in the car!! He called his cousin and immediatley his cousin heads up 316 to ATL. What a great guy. In the meantime JJ remembers that he has some insurance through his cell phone. He calls them up and they say they can send AAA right over!! how great is that!! that is definatley worth whatever lil bit he is paying for that service!! But, cousin James is still on his way.
The concert was good. We missed a couple of the acts at the very beginning, but we were still happy with what we did see. . JJ was able to get the keys to the car. We met up with James and his girl (since they had made the ride) and we all decided to just had back to Athens after eating at Waffle House.
Sunday was just a relaxing day. Quis was off work so we just laid up in the house. I caught up on Laundry and cleanined the house!!
Okay...it's payday! My sister will be here! and of course it's raining :(. It's already frustrating to me that I will only have one evening with her and I feel pressured to give here the grand Athens Tour! there are so many places and things ai want her to see on her first (and Im sure last for a long time) visit to Athens. So now, with the rain, my plans of walking downtown and finding a nice outside seating restaurant for dinner are ruined. We also have plans to go downtown to do the bar thing.
And....of course..the Birthday Bash!! its ALWAYS rains! I don't know if this is some plot by nature or what! but please give us a break! we already have to sit in the lawn with no blankets or chairs...it could at least be dry!
Today Candy and I are gonna try the new Mystic Tan. I'll let you know how well it works this afternoon. I really need to leave early today..like at noon. I'm really trying to just pamper myself. I want to go do this tan thing, get my hair cut and my nails done. I'm not really sure what time my sister will be here and I would like to get this stuff done before she gets here so it doesnt cut into our time together. Althoug, I should wait on the haircut until tommorrow so it can be all styled for me since I have No styling skills!! (that's sad to admit right).
Right now my hair is just pat my shoulder. I am SOOOO sick of it. This GA weather is so twisted. I must get this crap OFF my neck and thinned out so its not all damn boofy!! YES boofy IS a word.
Okay..a SMALL kelly update *sigh* how bout this crazy heffa ran chris OFF the road yesterday on his motorcycle. I'm telling yall..this girl is gonna give birth in some country ass jail cell. I am so glad she didn't come by last night with her drama and ruin my quiet movie evening.
SO the next big event Im counting down to is my trip home...12 days and counting.
Well...work duties are calling. I apologize for the boring blog today..I promise I'll have something worth while to say later!! to all my fans!! LMAO LMAO
Okay Panera Bread was off the hook! they have alot of options and its delicious! they even have a drink machine that sells coke AND pepsi in the same damn machine! can you believe that?? I thought something like that was a crime!! I think I will take my Lil sis there tommmorrow when she arrives!!
I think I am actually looking at an enjoyable weekend. Although it may rain. Tonight Christy and Erika may come over and hang out for a little while. Then of course tommorrow my sister willbe here and we are all going downtown. And of course we all know what Saturday is! RAIN OR SHINE!!! BIRTHDAY BASH!
I am still tryingto decide if I am gonna purchase a new outfit. My only reservation is the possiblity of rain. Although is doesnt matter what I wear if I get wet ai get wet right! and the thing with concerts at the ampitheater is...you MUST be comfortable. We always have lawn seats and sometimes they act funny about you bringing in chairs and blankets. So that sometimes makes things tricky! I sure hope I can sneak a disposable camera in so I can take some pics for Kim and them.
Okay..MsThing is playing hookie today yall so I may be blogging alot.
Today the people in my office are taking me out for my birthday lunch. My actual borthday was 2 weeks ago, but do to my moving and several of the office staff being out, we decided to postpone the lunch until now. We are going to eat at Panera Bread. It's like one of those sandwich/coffee/bagel/soup/salad shops. It is supposed to be very good. I always like trying new places.
So let's talk about KELLY again. Now, just last week her and I had a huge blow out! basically I was ready to stop being her friend, and really I still feel that way. She is just way too dramatic. So after not speaking to her for days and even deleting her number from my cell phone, she calls me at work yesterday. Don't you hate when folx call you at work, especially when you do not want to speak to them. I think she does it on purpose because she knows I have to be friendly on the phone. I have told her several times to not call be at work..but it never fails that around 9am, she calls.
Anyway, last night I was just getting ready to jump in t he shower when the phone rang. It was Kelly. She is only minutes from my house and must come by to talk to me. So I tell her to go ahead and come through *sigh*. I guess maybe I was hoping she was gonna make an attempt at an apology over the way she acted last week. Of course, I should have known better. She walks in t he door and the first thing out of her mouth is "I think Chris is living with Holly". UGHHHH!!!! I do NOT want to talk about Chris. Chris is Kelly's ex-boyfriend and the "kid" she is currently pregnant by. WellI agree that Chris is being a class A jerk right about now. He made it very clear to Kelly when she informed him of her pregnancy, that he was not ready to grow up. In fact, he told her that even after graduating from college (be it a motorcycle mechanic college) that he only aspires to live a simple life and basically just ride his motorcycle around and live with other people. No real goal of ever being responsible for himself or any other living being.
This being kown Kelly still decided to carry on with the pregnancy. Which, to me, wasn't entirely a bad decision. Not saying that children don't need their father. But, I guess since most of my firends do it on their own (including me...cept luckily I do have Quis) I know its is possible. And I know that Kelly can do it too. She just needs to RELAX. as my girl MsThing is always telling me. Stop stressing over things you cannot change. Right now Kelly needs to focus on her health and the health of her baby. Concentrate of having a good pregnancy and a healthy baby. You made the decision to do this without Chris. Dont act like a damn babies momma when the baby isnt even hear yet!! UGHH! don't worry about what he is doing. He will be the one is few years to regret not being a part of his child's life. Let him suffer. Why even care? YES he is VERY wrong for how he treated you. But, its OVER. Let this other girl deal with him now. Let him live off her. Let her worry about all the nights he doesnt come home. And cleaning up after him. You claim you don't want him back anyway.
And then to make it worse, he started working back at longhorn with Quis. SO now she is always gonna wanna know if he is talking about her or whatever. I have told Kelly MANY times that 1) Quis doesn't get involved with things like this...he is VERY drama free 2) really he just doesnt care!! and guys are not like girls. They don't sit at work at talk about shit like that! and even if they did, Quis isn't gonna come home and tell me about it, nor will I ask him.
Anyway, I have to try to distance myself from her. I always get stuck between being a nice person and being a complete bitch. I always want to be there for my friends. But you get tired of talking to someone about the same SHIT all the time. I learned a couple months ago after having one of my closest friends point this out to me about my own self. I didn't realize how much I was complaining about shit with Quis. And everytime she would try to be a friend and give advice..I wouldn't change shit..just complain more. I know realize how damn annoying that can be. And even worse..EVERYTIME the girl gets on the phone. She sounds like she is dying!! ALWAYS depressed. Can we talk about ANYTHING other than Chris please!! UGHHH!!! NO ONE CARES!!! I told her ass a year ago that he was with Holly!! before she was pregnant..while he was still living in Florida. She didn't listen to me then...but now she wants me to be there for her all the time. Like I don't have my own shit going on.
And not to sound really mean..I have closer friends with bigger issues. Kelly is not someone I see myself having a lifelong friendship with. Not saying that I should take everything lightly with her based on that (which as you can see I don't take any of this lightly) but it just means that I don't have the strength or the time to deal with stuff that does not affect me.
Okay..I'm back..momentarily. I felt I should make some type of disclaimer when I speak of Sierra. I don't want to make it seem as if there are no "good" times. Sierra is a wonderful child and I am blessed to have her. However, we do have our "bad" days as Im sure every family does. Our may be intense at times and I do sometimes feel sad, angry and defensive. But, at no point would I wish or imagine my life without her. She is my punkin' (although now she is older she will dispute that and say "I am Sierra") which is exactly what makes her HER! feel me?
Where do I begin? Well I guess the beginning...actually maybe we should take it slow. Sierra is alot to handle.
First thing to know about her is that she is absolutlely GORGEOUS. Now the root of her beauty is always is dispute, however, anyone who knows me (or as I say is on my team) will tell you that every last bit of this child is a duplication of me (especially her facial expressions and almighty 'tude).
The next thing you should know is that Sierra is Autistic. Her actual diagnosis is Pervasive Developmental Delay (PDD). As soon as I learn how to add links I will place one for you to read up on that. I suggest anyone that has a child with anytype of of delayed disability ask their doctor to check for the possibility of autistic traits. Many children go misdiagnosed or given the wrong one (as Sierra was) and they do not get treated properly. When I say "treated" I more mean education wise. There are many schools now (like with SIerra's) that actually have classes that are for autistic children. Sierra is in an excellent prgram here. Her class is self contained so she is in that same room for most of the day. Except for the activties that she is able to do with her "assigned" teachers class. Which is like Gym, art and Music.
Because of her disability she has the option of remaining in school until she is 21. This gives us some flexibility with her as far as grade levels. For instance this past year we didn't feel she was ready for "thrid grade" so we kept her second. The only difference with Sierra is that she will remain in the same self contained class her whole elementary career. So the only change the grade makes is her homeroom teacher and how early or late she leaves for middle school (we wont even discuss that right now).
On of the major attributes of autistic children is their behavior problems. With Sierra she is also diagnosed partialy with mental retardation. Both disabilities affect her differently so sometimes it is difficult to know how to handle situations. Her defiant behavior and her lack in social skills is all part of the autism.
Sierra has a very difficult time making and keeping friends. Naturally its difficult for children to understand when other children may have a mental or physical disability and its very hard to explain it to them as well. They are so innocent it just doesnt make sense to them. Honestly it doesnt make much sense to me either, but thats another issue as well (as you will learn I have many). Anyway, so needless to say aside from children of my good friends who im sure most of the time feel obligated to play with her, she hasn't had many friends.
As a parent this is very disheartening (sp?). Not that I want her to value herself based on how many friends she has, but I am a very social person and even if I wasn't...who doesn't want to have friends?? I don't know many people that wish they could just live in a solitude of their own in which communication is so difficult the easiest thing to do is just talk to yourself or your fingers.
Okay...this is more difficult to type than I thought...gimme a minute to get it together over h ere and I will finish this...
Im sorry, but as my girl MsThing will tell you..I am VERY emotional..espeically about my punkin!
Once again we will bid farwell to the Hawk. To give you a brief history of "The Hawk" you must first start by understanding that sometimes people can be so damn charming that you forget their faults and almost become and enabler to the things that have created this monster.
OUR Friend Hawk (I say OUR friend because there arent many people that know him that DON'T like him) anyway. Hawk is a very attractive and intelligent person. He would do anything for anyone no matter what the effexts will be for him. However, those are also the things that keep him in trouble. Hanging around Hawk you will do things you may never have a chance to do (well broke folx like me anyway) there is never a doubt that when you are with him you won't have to worry about much. No long lines atthe club (because he will pay the guy at the door to let the 10 folx behind him in) You will NEVER have to by yourself a drink.
The only problem with all his money..is the source of it. Hawk is in "sales". Many of you may know what that means and if you don't I certainly will not be the one to provide that info. so lets move on.
The price that comes along with all that "fun" is that you cold spend some time in jail. Now, for some people this threat is not enough to deter them from continuing with this life. Hawk is one of those people. He is addicted to money and all the "fun" that comes along with it. He doesn't mind that there are manythings he can't do just for the fact that his name can't be associated with things. And that he is always looking over his shoulder. He misses out on many joys like the time he could be spending with his children. They are definatley the ones that should be gettin all his attention.
I'm sure that the trips to Miami and New orleans, Jamaica and whatever Spring Break event you can find are quite enjoyable. I have often wished that I could join him on one of his excursions, but unfortunatley MY reality is very different than Hawk's reality. My reality involves Quis, Sierra, 3 dogs and a JOB. Hawk's reality involves money, beaches, cars, clothes and anything that sparkles or glitters (aka BLING BLING ;)). He wants everyone around him to have a good time, which isn't entirley bad, but you shouldnt kill yourself and put your own life on the line to provide that for people.
To bring you up to date, now that you have a small idea of who he is, Hawk is now looking at spending the next 4 years of his life behind bars. Just 2 weeks ago he was at my house celebrating my 30th birthday and the week before that he was on the beaches of Miami.
Four years is a long time, especially for someone like Hawk. I do know someone that is doing longer...but he needs his own damn blog!! The fact is that in 4 years..many things will change. Hawk's children will be 4 years older, Hawk will be officially in his 30's, many of our friends will be married (maybe even me and Quis...possibly with our first born) Blo might have a drivers license and won't need Hawk to chauffer him all over the South. The Platinum visa and the new car will be gone. As will all his nice clothes and jewlery (unless he gets someone to hang onto all that..which im sure will be out of style in his eyes by that time anyway).
The biggest thing tho...is that for all the fun Hawk has had..there will be nothing in 4 years to show for any of it.
Only half of that is true and I guess that's for you to decide.
Today I came home to the usual duties of being the "wifey" broad that I am. I had already set some pork chops to marinate when I came home for lunch so one part of the daily routine was done. Now it's time for the dogs *sigh* I love my doggies..I do!! but, dammit ...UGHH! that's about all I have for that right now! Ghost and Tigger are sitting in their kennels looking at me right now (they are on punishment) I wonder if they know Im talking about them.
Today is tuesday, otherwise known to athens bar crowd as "Hip Hop Tuesday" (last night was "pint night") all these themes are to me are excuses for Quis to not be home "but baby..it's Pint night" "But baby...its Quarter night" "But baby..the sun came up today, and tonight it will be dark..and tommorrow that shit will happen again!!" so what!! lol lol
Okay excuse me..I was listening to lil jon n them on the way home so I'm a lil Krunk ;) just preparing myself for what's ahead..
My sister will be here on Friday and I am VERY excited. I have lived in Georgia since '97 and she has never been. She is only staying for one night..so it won't be the longest visit but that doesnt mean it won't still be great!! and then I'll be home in a few weeks anyway..so it's all good!
Then saturday is the Birthday Bash...and if yall don't know bout dat!! there is nothing I can do to help 'cept give ya directions to lakewood and say good luck with parking.
Well..gotta return to the duties I previously mentioned..oh..did I also mention that tigger tore the damn drain pipe from the side of the house!! UGHH!! damn dogs
sheldawg at 6/11/2003 06:35:00 AM
Tuesday, June 10, 2003
Okay...Im not sure why I started this other than the fact that ms. thing started on today too! can I not just do things because she does please!! anyway, where should I begin??
Lets start with KELLY!! this girl is crazy yall. I feel bad for her because she has no idea how to handle a "girlfriend" friendship. I'm not sure if its because her mother is gay and she doesnt really know how to relate to women or what. All I know is she is a mess. I don't really feel like her and I could ever be the kind of friends that sheron and I are and definatley not like Kim. I was really upset about the way things went down last week, but I can't entertain craziness like that. I have way too much going on.
We are supposed to go to the Birthday Bash this weekend!! I hope we get a good group of people so we can really enjoy ourselves. Hawk has gotten himself in trouble AGAIN so there aint no tellin when we will be graced with his presence, but he damn sure wont be at the bash so we will go and enjoy it for him ;)