yep...its that time that we go back to reality...or work :( My Christmas was okay..I wouldn't give it a replay, but it was nice to be away from GMI for a couple days. Next year I am definatley going to Ithaca to spend Christmas with my family. Nothing personal against Quis' fam, but I just want Sierra to enjoy the holidays as much as I did when I was a child and most of the reason I enjoyed it so much was because I was with my cousins and the rest of my family.
There are no children Sierra's age in Quis' fam. Well there is one that is close to her age but she is shy and usually doesnt talk much. No one really bothers with Sierra much anyway. They dont understand her and they dont really try either so I'm done. Really it my own fault anyway. He doesnt keep me from going home. Naturally I want to be with him for the holiday's as well and he isnt able to take off work. Also I couldnt really afford to fly Sierra and I home so it would have been easier to take his car...which I cant really do unless he comes *sigh* so I guess he will be driving to Ithaca next year ;)
I mean we spend EVERY holiday with his family. I think they can suffer one year and miss Quis at the table to Sierra can spend time with her grandparents.
sheldawg at 12/27/2005 07:52:00 AM
Monday, December 19, 2005
I am writing this entry knowing full well that I am gonna get blasted by my co-worker (Sorry T) for telling the whole truf!! OOOPPSSS!!!
Okay first we need to go back to Friday...and my "friend". After several phone calls we did decide to see each other. He was gonna get dropped off at my house and then I could drive him home. Even though I didn't think that was the best idea I was gonna do it anyway *sigh*. When he got to my house he said that he was ride was waiting outside and planned on driving him home. I was like "so this person is waiting outside while we visit?" YEP!! pretty much.
So aside from the fact that my heart was beating out of my chest with nervousness and excitment i was SOOOO happy to see him. He smelled so good and looked GREAT!! it felt MORE than good when he hugged me. I miss him soooo much. I dont know if its better or worse that our visits with each other get shorter and shorter. I miss him more everytime!!!
Before he left he kissed my forward and hugged me (again) I so didn't want to let go!!! I spent the rest of the weekend trying NOT to call him again and being VERY confused!!!!
I also got a call from my friend Damian (YAY) he is a friend that I met while working at UGA. He graduated and now works for Kellog and travels all over the place. He is on his way to Mexico. Hopefully he will have time to stop and see me when he comes back thru Atlanta.
There is also another BIG secret *SIGH* but this one MUSt remain secret.....its KILLIN me that I cant even tell my blog!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!
sheldawg at 12/19/2005 12:58:00 PM
Friday, December 16, 2005
My Secret Life.........
Well its not so much of a secret since my old blog pals and some of my closest friends know *sigh* I have a "friend" thats actually a lil bit more than that. Our "affair" started a few years ago when Quis and I had broke up. We actually started as friends and I'm sure you know how that goes. After Quis was gone we started spending ALOT of time toegther. Then I lost my job and we spent MORE time together. At some point everything changed. I am not sure if there was ever a real option of him and I becomming a couple. He had a girlfriend (who he actually broke up with soon after Quis and I broke up) which is why we were able to get so close.
He did make some comments to me that made me feel like we had a chance, but at the time I felt like I really wanted and needed to be back with Quis. Maybe I thought that it was something that I had to win or whatever. Like I needed to prove to Quis that he would come back..but I didnt need to take him back!! why did I? this is what I ask myself EVERYDAY!
I had alot of underlying issues with making it public between my friend and I. Quis does know this person..and I'm sure would be VERY interested in how all this happened. I was so worried about what him and his friends would say and think I wasn't really thinking about MY feelings.
Now that Quis and I have been back together for almost 2 years I still can't let go!! We moved from Athens in June and I have already traveled there to see my "friend" twice. If we hadn't moved I am sure that I would still him on a regular basis. Not just because I mean to, but we lived pretty closeby and we ran into each other ALL the time. Not to mention that since Quis didnt know about him and I he would call him occasions to come by the house. We didn't want to be suspicious so he would just come on by *sigh* he was very strange. I honestly don't know how Quis doesn't know by now.
I feel so comforted every time I hear his voice. He was always there for me when I needed. He would sit up all hours of the night and listen to me cry over Quis. He is truthfully a really good friend. But now I dont know if I feel better or worse when I speak with him. I know that I have lost any chance to make this into something more. I dont even know if it would work I just hate that I never tried. I looked at which situation would make the most sense and be the most beneficial NOT the one that would actually make me happy.
Don't get me wrong..I love Quis very much. And I do enjoy his company sometimes :( But its not the same. WE arent the same since he cheated and WE are not like me and my "friend". UGGHHHH!!!!!!! I'm dying over here!!!!!!!
The reason this is so fresh on my mind is because yesterday I woke up thinking about him. This happens alot usually I just shake it off and go on with my day. HOWEVER, yesterday I decided to call him......why did I do this?? He told me that he was gonna be coming to Atlanta to visit a friend (BLAH) for a couple days. Of course, I caught feelings over who this friend may be...then I had to check myself real quick. He told me to call him again when I went to lunch so he would make sure he had the number in his phone. Mistake #2 I called again...I know damn well he has my number...why is he even thinking about calling me when he is here with someone else?? I figured he wouldnt call me anyway. WELL...then I woke up this morning with a text message from him asking me to call him in the morning....mistake #3...I did it! I called him. Actually I sent him a text back that I was headed to work and to call me when he wakes up...and he did. Wanting to know how we could work something out to see each other today.
So this is where Im at now. Knowing that every ounce of me wants to leave work and go see him. Luckily I have lots fo reasons why I cant...but not because I dont want to. If the opportunity was there I am SURE I would go.